Prime-time bears:
By now everyone's heard of Bears hitting network TV like a
ton of fuzzy dice: In a February episode of the TV sitcom Will & Grace,
Jack, when asked by Karen if he wants to go shopping, retorts, "Does a gay
bear have anonymous sex in the woods?" Hey guys! Thanks for stereotyping me
as someone who likes to have sex out in the woods with hot hairy guys whose
names I may or may not know. Never happens to me. At least, not recently. Anywho, Jack squealing 'gay
bear' on primo TV really busted the phrase 'gay bears' into homes across
America. . .
Riding the wave of bear-recognition spreading across the airwaves,
Homer Simpson - who has arguably greater worldwide face recognition than
Prez Dubya - was outed as a Bear on the April 11, 2003 episode. In the show, a
young Smithers, looking kinda hot in Daisy Dukes, is trying to explain his presence in the gay
section of Springfield to Homer when a bus of gayguyz whizzes by, calling
out to Smithers, "Who's that [cute] Bear you're with?"
Got validation?
Uncle Spunk spied, a few pre-Pride weeks ago in In Newsweekly, the New England
GLBTQ weekly, a full-page back-cover ad for Coors Light, featuring a list of queer
"types" arranged in a cluster: TOP, Leather Daddy, Lipstick, Gay, Tomboy,
ad nauseum. Right below the TOP of the typographically varied list is BEAR.
Kudos to Coors Brewing Co. for being the first major advertiser to hawk a
national product directly to Bear subculture. Next to a giant pic of
icy-cold bottle of [yawn] "Silver Bullet" Light, the tagline reads: "The
only label you need."
Did I actually need a label? I checked my t-shirt tag to see if the
label indicated that I'm the sorta guy who indeed needs a label. So
gratifying to know Bears have become an official market niche, with all the
attendant assimilation, just like every other glbtq stereotype listed. Well,
we asked for validation, and we got it. Now what?
The Joy of Bear Sex:
Score a big fat furry bearhug for Felice Picano and Dr.
Charles Silverstein, authors of newly revised Joy of Gay Sex! Even more informative and engaging than before, this third revised HarperCollins edition features new drawings and almost 30 new entries - including a charming and well-considered description of Bears: "Nit-picking bears
sometimes argue about how much hair is required to a member of beardom
(could there be a hairless bear?). But many bears also claim that physical
characteristics take a backseat to a certain set of attitudes about gay
masculine behavior, adding up to an entire 'bear culture'." Joe Collins's
drawing shows three "bears" sized closer to his usual smooth six-packed
boys; still, it's always nice to see some fur, alongside some thoughtful
writing that pretty much spells it all out, especially for nonbears who just
donıt get us, and includes bear resources for readers.
Real Bear Stew?
Just enough space to mention PJ Gray and Stan Hunter's book
Bear Cookin'. Colorful, appetizing pictures of
bear food and bear mouths on the cover, it's a tad lean on content, although
some dishes sound marvelous. It's out by Harrington Park Press, in a trail
of bear-themed successes following The Bear Books,
The Bear Handbook, and
Jonathan Cohen's hilarious subcultural spoof, Bear Like Me.
It's gratifying to note that this press also bothers to advertise their bear-themed
selections in AmBear.
Does Bear porno matter?
Sure, you can say that Bears are everywhere, but
looking at the latest TLA video catalog to pop into my mailslot, I gotta
ask: why do they carry so darned few bear porn videos? Sixty-four pages of
the hottest gay smut, and there are six - count 'em - six measley
Bear-themed videos of the "hairiest and the hunkiest." Now, these TLA folks
aren't all bad - they carry a hot little volume of fiction called
Bearotica
that I'm fond of - but it seems that a gay subculture as sexually expressive
and as un-camera-shy as Bears should have greater representation in this
companyıs catalog, arguably the largest of its kind.
What are we, invisible to the body-beautiful gay porn industry?
Now, as far as I know, there aren't any bear-themed videos represented at
the Grabbys, AVN's annual national gaypornvid awards taking place during IML
in Chicago. No bear videos nominated, no award honoring any of the 12-15
bear-themed pornvids released annually by outfits like Manhunter,
Bearporn.com, Titan, &c. Where are our idols, our icons, our bear-gods? What
a rad idea: a group of bears protesting for greater representation at the
Grabbys. I can hear the chanting now: "Whadda we want?! BEARSMUT! When do we
want it? NOW!"
Until next time, bearhugs all around!
This column first appeared in American Bear magazine, October 2003.
