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Bi Men: Coming Out
The Haworth Press, Inc.
213 pp. with Index
Hard Cover ISBN-13: 978-1-56023-614-6
ISBN-10: 1-56023-614-0 $34.95
Soft Cover ISBN-13: 978-1-56023-615-3
ISBN-10: 1-56023-615-9 $19.95
Haworth Press: 800-429-6784 (US/Canada)
Published simultaneously as the Haworth Press Journal of Bisexuality, Volume 5, Nos. 2/3.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way
Edited by Ron Jackson Suresha & Pete Chvany
2006, Haworth Press
Order a signed softcover copy of Bi Men: Coming Out
Order a signed hardcover copy of Bi Men: Coming Out
Bi Men: Coming Out is a moving and pioneering celebration of the male bisexual self that addresses biphobia in our society - featuring essays from authors Alfred Corn, Patrick Califia, Marco Vassi, and Wayne Bryant, playwrights Hiram Ed Taylor and Arch Brown; bisexual activists Pete Chvany and Woody Glenn, and more!
Division 44 Newsletter, 22: 2, pp. 9-10, Summer 2006
Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Issues
A Division of the American Psychological Association
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way
Reviewed by Gregory M. Jones, M.S. Nova Southeastern University
The collection of autobiographical essays edited by Ron Jackson Suresha and Pete Chvany explores personal stories and experiences of a conglomeration of diverse bisexual men. Suresha, author of Bears on Bears: Interviews & Discussions, and Chvany, a longtime bisexual activist from Boston, compiled stories provoking a reexamination of long-held stereotypes and beliefs about bisexuality, masculinity, and traditional sex roles in Western culture. The editors successfully paint a picture of the broad spectrum of sexuality by exploring stories from a New Orleans native, a rural resident of Kentucky, a survivor of gay conversion therapy, an Amish man, a Jewish Puerto Rican who converted to Buddhism and Hinduism, Bears, and numerous other bisexual males evoking an increased awareness on the full range of sexuality originally proposed by Alfred Kinsey. No book thus far has so successfully depicted such a brilliantly colorful array of diversity among sexual minorities and given such a strong answer to biphobic monosexuals.
Suresha and Chvany divide the book into four categories of stories: discovering a bisexual self, extending bonds of marriage and family, interacting in evolving GLBTQ communities, and bridge-building in bisexual spirit. Each section provides a unique perspective into the bisexual male. Most specifically I appreciated delving into the negotiation and struggle of spirituality and sexuality by the anecdotal stories from Buddhist, Amish, Hindu, Southern Baptist, and Celtic bisexual men. The struggles encountered while coming to terms with their sexuality and coping with religious oppression opened my eyes to the emotional exertions many bisexual men are forced to face.
My favorite depiction of this struggle was "Ex Exodus" by Ed Boland. He began with a belief in gay conversion therapy: "God will change me if I pray, and if that change never happens, then I'm not praying enough or I'm just not worthy. If the change doesn't come, that means God doesn't love me." The author held these views for many years, but upon no change in his sexuality he finally had the revelation while at a gay-conversion conference that he is OK and so are all the other GLBT people he was with - that he didn't change his sexuality because he wasn't meant to. This revelation opened the door to exploration of his sexuality and as well as to allow himself to be free of guilt and experience happiness and pleasure.
The most valuable lesson I learned from reading this book was the inherent biphobia prevalent in the gay and lesbian community. Remembering my own struggle to have a sense of identity and belonging, it pained me to see the anguish many of these bisexuals went through. Not only was it caused by ostracism of the straight community, but also they felt rejection from the gay and lesbian community while simply searching for a sense of belonging. The rejection many bisexuals face coming out, often first as gay, is doubly difficult when coming out later to their gay friends as bisexual and was beautifully depicted in the emotional narratives in this book. I identified with the rejection from peers and was forced to look at and challenge my own views of bisexuality. I was forced to reexamine my own personal beliefs about the spectrum of sexuality, and in fact, to see it illustrated by examples that defy sexuality as either being heterosexual or homosexual.
As a practicing clinician, I found this book helped open my eyes to a world that, for me, is difficult to understand, and it will help me further empathize with the struggles my clients are facing in regards to defining their own sexuality. The book is easy to read for the clinician and the non-clinician alike and can be given to those struggling with their sexuality at almost any age. Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way is a book every clinician should read to force them to reexamine their views of sexuality and more fully appreciate the brilliance of Alfred Kinsey's work exploring the full spectrum of human sexuality.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way
Reviewed by Lindsay Cobb, Out in the Mountains (Vermont)
Since the publication in 1991 of Bi Any Other Name, that grandmother of all bi anthologies has spawned numerous books chronicling the bisexual experience. It's an experience much like that of other queer folk, to be sure, with the additional heartache, at times, of ostracism from gay friends and allies as much as from straights. Accusations of being confused, trying to pass, denying their true homosexuality have hounded bi folk probably since Stonewall, and the resulting courage, self-affirmation, and joy in living as they see fit takes on a particular poignancy and hard-won dignity.
A new anthology, called Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way, may be unique in that, as the title suggests, the focus is on men. Editors Ron Jackson Suresha and Pete Chvany have assembled a wide range of voices from various walks of life and in different stages of coming out. Unlike the older book, Bi Men avoids socio-political exposition: presumably bisexuality need no longer be defined, theorized, or defended - or at least it's done so in the context of story. So the narratives in Bi Men drive the book, and they are by turns heart-breaking, soul-stirring, thought-provoking, and thoroughly queer-affirming.
We encounter Jason Large, a closeted married father taking the first steps to come out: "I'm just a normal, hard-working guy, knowing deep down that I want something very different now." Another father, Marc Anders, explains to his twelve-year-old son over a game of miniature golf how he can be married to the boy's mom and still have a male lover, and realizes his son is more nonchalant about it than he could have imagined. A prison convict finds peace behind bars by being open about his sexuality, and a young man joins a Pennsylvania Dutch enclave in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to curb his desires. We hear from a Latino man, a man of Native American and Scottish descent, and a pair of Asian American teenage boys. Nobody has an easy story; even the men with the happiest lives achieve their happiness through complex decisions.
Older men relate stories of conflict and hard knocks, as when Woody Glenn, cofounder of the Boston Bisexual Resource Center, tells of getting "thrown out of the Gay Pride director's office for suggesting that there should be a bi contingent in the parade." Younger men have the same fears as any young people, in addition to questions about their sexuality; to quote one, "I'm scared about graduating ... I'm afraid I won't be accepted."
Most seem to agree that, while much work has been done to make bisexuality understood and accepted, elements of resistance continue both in the queer community and in mainstream media and culture.
Two essays are written by women. One, by Julz, is a portrait of bi women who love bi men: "We touch on a profound sense of being understood by bi men in a way that most monosexuals can't." The other, by Raven Davies, is an overview of "slash fan-fiction," a sexually-oriented science fiction subgenre, usually written by female fans, that puts otherwise hetero male characters in erotic situations ("Kirk / Spock are a favorite pairing").
Also included is an FTM trannie, well-known author Patrick Califia, whose essay "Life Among the Monosexuals" details his life pushing the boundaries of sexual identity in the context of the genderqueer and kink communities.
While he has a hellacious story to tell, having identified as a bi feminist dyke in the early days, he also sounds one of the most tender notes in the book: "I feel happier and more grounded as a bisexual because it brings me closer to having more compassion for all human beings and bodies. I can feel the frailty and bliss of all flesh. ... I can see people more clearly if I have not first lined them up in one gender category or the other."
I think of a friend who once described the queer teenagers she counseled in Maine. "Their sexual identity is like this," she said, as she stood with flexed knees, shifting her weight back and forth like a balancing surfer. Or like someone shifting back and forth on the Kinsey scale: fluid, not nailed down, comfortable with change. Indeed, Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way is dedicated to Alfred C. Kinsey, "who steadfastly dedicated himself to listening to and telling the story of the bisexual man."
Perhaps this book's greatest gift to the community is its illumination of the lives of men whose sexual identities are not pinned to points on a scale, not by social pressure, not by political expediency, not by fear. Like the spectrum of colors thrown on a bare wall by a crystal, a person's sexuality may shift and shimmer with time, and it's always the same person, and it's always gorgeous.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way
Reviewed by Jim Nawrocki in Gay & Lesbian Review / Worldwide
It seems safe to say that bisexual men are nearly invisible, even within GLBT culture. While gay men and lesbians have long since staked out their territory and asserted their right to be, bisexuals (men more than women, it seems) have had a harder time of it. A sense of bisexual invisibility was the main impetus for Bi Men, an anthology of coming-out memoirs. This invisibility is in marked contrast to a solid body of research that demonstrates just how prevalent male bisexuality is. The authors make no secret of the liberationist goal of this project, having sought to provide a place for "powerful, proud bisexual men's voices." The collection is structured in sections that model the actual coming-out process: self-discovery; revelation of self to spouse and family; connecting with the community; and self-affirmation. The 34 pieces present a broad cross-section of the male bisexual experience. Many of these men are either married or have been married and struggle with two worlds, each with its own strands of desire. There are many stories of married men growing into the realization that they're drawn to men, but there are also tales of gay men discovering (or rediscovering) an attraction to women. Ron SureshaÕs "Coming to Terms" is one such about a "late-blooming bisexual." Others explore the effect of ethnicity on the formation of bisexual identity. Michael Gallardo's "When the Head Is Separated from the Body" reflects on how the role of the family in Latino culture has influenced his development as a bisexual. Other contributors simply rejoice at the freedom to finally identify, publicly, as bi. Noted poet Alfred Corn concludes his essay with a simple declaration of independence: "I have never written about these things and never even spoken about most of this in private. It was time I did, and I'm glad I have." No doubt many bisexual men will find the essays in this book a similar affirmation.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way
edited by Ron Jackson Suresha and Pete Chvany (Haworth Press)
What this collection does well is bring to light the often misunderstood and mislabeled group that co-exists in the LGBT label. Dedicated to Alfred Kinsey, the editing duo has much to be proud of in their quest for bisexual advocacy. The essays are grouped into four sections, with the first (Discovering a Bisexual Self) as the most important.
Standout essays include "Learning to Look at Bisexuality," a highly personal essay ultimately directed at everyone, and "Walking the Shifting Sands," a compelling essay concerned with self-definition. Another important look at bisexual identity is the humorous essay "Life Among the Monosexuals," which appears in the third section. Also included is an excerpt from an online discussion group and a small list of resources for bisexual men including Boston's own Bisexual Resource Center.
Two by Ron Jackson Suresha:
Bear Lust: Hot, Heavy, Hairy Fiction, edited by Ron Suresha; Alyson Books; 236 pages; $15.95.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way, edited by Ron Jackson Suresha and Pete Chvany; Harrington Park Press; 330 pages; $19.95.
Reviews by Jesse Monteagudo
The prolific Jeff Mann is one of 17 ursine authors who contributed to Bear Lust: Hot, Hairy, Heavy Fiction, joining the ranks of Daniel M. Jaffe, Thom Wolf, Brutus and Furr. Gay readers of the bearish persuasion are familiar with the editor, Ron Jackson Suresha, for he is a recognized authority on gay bear culture, both fiction and non-fiction.
Only recently has Suresha come out for a second time, as a bisexual man. Suresha has now joined forces with bisexual activist (and bear) Pete Chvany to edit the groundbreaking anthology Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way. Bisexual advocates and authors like Fritz Klein, Arch Brown and Patrick Califia (whoÕs been everything) discuss such aspects of male bisexual life as self, family, community and bridge-building. At least one Kinsey Six male learned much about bi men from reading Bi Men, and he recommends it to his readers.
Appearing on Menstuff.org Suresha, Ron Jackson and Pete Chvany, editors, Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way.
A moving and pioneering celebration of the male bisexual self that addresses biphobia in our society. In today's sexual world, straight, gay and lesbian communities still often refuse to accept the reality of bisexuality. This book confronts head-on the limiting views that bisexuality is a transitional phase of sexual evolution or a simple refusal to accept being either homosexual or straight. This pioneering collection of moving personal essays by bisexual men and those who love them explores what it means to be bisexual in today's monosexually oriented society. The millennial shift in sexual perspectives draws more and more men to come out as being attracted to both women and men. Bisexual and bi-curious men will find comfort and camaraderie in these stories about coming out, its impact on family and marriage, evolving perspectives on bisexuals within the LGBT community, and the building of acceptance and affirmation for bisexuality and polyamory. Nearly three dozen essays are told in the honest words of bisexuals confirming the validity of their place in the world while illustrating that there are more bi men than anyone ever realized. These diverse stories reveal a long-disguised and unconventional truth - that bisexuality is a valid lifestyle that does not threaten either sexual camp. Each contributor to this collection affirms the innate fluidity of self, sexuality, family and community, and proclaims that sexuality is truly diverse in its predispositions and creativity. Bi Men aids anyone to gain a more complete understanding of the unique issues of being bisexual while providing the ultimate affirmation of bisexuality's existence. Haworth Press, www.haworthpress.com, 2005, ISBN 1-56023-615-9
Bi Men Come Out in New Book
"The new book Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way has been causing quite a stir. Published by Haworth Press, reaction to this anthology co-edited by Ron Jackson Suresha has [ranged] from being banned at a book fair to being copublished as the Journal of Bisexuality in 2005. Suresha, best known for his previous literary works in the bear community, is joined by co-editor Pete Chvany on this book containing thirty plus personal stories for, by and about, bi men and those [who] love them. The book is separated into four parts: 1. Discovering a Bisexual Self. 2. Extending Bonds of Marriage and Family. 3. Interacting in Evolving GLBTQ Communities. 4. Bridge-Building in Bisexual Spirit. "Bi Men is more than just a simple collection of stories. Great editing, summaries and a functional four part sectioning system make this book TOP SHELF."
~ Matthew Cleaver, Bi Tribune
"We need to share our coming-out stories, but we're going to move on ... and talk about the reality of bisexuality in our ongoing lives." Click here to read a bialogue with the BI MEN co-editors about bisexual male invisibility and the process of putting together their anthology of bisexual men's coming-out and coming-of-age stories.
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